my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
