i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
