i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
