if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
