Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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