so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
