Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
