You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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