Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
