and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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