They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
