I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize