I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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