I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
