i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
