Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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