I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
