I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
