Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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