WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
