im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
