what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
