Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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