He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
