Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
