Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
