matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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