dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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