Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
