well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize