They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
