last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you traded sex for a burrito?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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