have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
