giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize