So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You've changed since you got that strap on
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
