Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
