It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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