So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
