I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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