I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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