Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cut my penus on the lid.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
