Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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