I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize