i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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