I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
