my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
