1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
