u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think my vagina is haunted
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
