i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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