can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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