Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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