Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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