living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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