I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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