he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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