I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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