You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
