So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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