So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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