She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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