Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
