My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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