you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize