Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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