I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
