It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
