I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
