is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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