WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do herpes really smell.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
