Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
