the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
