god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize